I haven’t been shy about expressing that if I’m going to do anything, I may as well do it big. That dedication has taken on a new form of what I can only assume is the Hayley version of the flu. I say the Hayley version because I am pretty convinced I may be a real life version of the Bruce Willis in Unbreakable as I should have died, contracted sickness, broken multiple bones and/or some variation in-between many times in my life yet have managed to remain unscathed. I’ll just brag and say if completing doctor office paperwork were a race, I would be hands down in the top 3 finishers right behind a newborn baby (no name or social? not fair) and Chrissie Wellington whom I’m 90% sure is a at the very least a robot hybrid.
Back to the going big part. Yesterday morning at work I was good, good, good, good, happy, laughing, good, good, bored, good, nautious, wind sprinting across office, projectile vomiting in what I can only hope was the ladies restroom, laying on floor of the ladies restroom for an unknown amount of time, good, back to meeting, hot sweats, sending a confusing email to my team with the word ‘moist’ in it, driving home swearing my windshield was covered in a wax paper film, laying in bed in a slightly hallucinogenic state where I thought I could hear small voices making fun of me from the closet. Now today I find myself keeping everything down but just wandering around the house looking for warmer socks. I’m assuming this bug would have killed a lesser person, but it is rather inconvenient for me, not to mention Evan is more then a little repulsed by what I’m assuming is my complete lack of hygiene and musky smell. His face does not whisper.
Now that warm socks have been found, it’s time for my favorite activity that I never get to do: MOVIE MARATHON! In a tribute, below are my top 7 favorite movie marathons of all time.
HARRY POTTER YEARS 1-8
Damn right I put a picture of Professor Snape – I love this quintessential underdog, not to mention the dude can breath lines through his teeth in a magically villainous way that has me doing the Arsenio Hall arm pump every time.
THE MATRIX TRILOGY
When it comes to special effects and end-of-the-world story lines, the Matrix was years ahead of it’s time. Who can forget movie one, first fight scene when the camera pans around Trinity in mid-air right before doing an aerial face kick? And Keanu finally found the perfect role where his translucence and general apathy played like a badass.
LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY
I once had the cops called on me for watching Lord of the Rings too loud in my apartment. When I answered the door braless in dumpy sweatpants holding a giant bowl of popcorn there were four cops at the door who insisted they search the house. I don’t know what they were searching for, but a small part of me wished they would have found Viggo Mortensen passed out in a closet.
STAR WARS (all 6 movies…)
I don’t care what you think, I like them all and I will watch them and they will bring me joy. Yoda kicking Saruman from LOTR ass at 900 years old? Yes please.
THE BOURNE MOVIES
Except for the new one with Jeremy Renner. Just leave that to a time when the fever is really high – then maybe you won’t be disappointed.
QUENTIN TARANTINO MOVIES
No exception – always begin with Pulp Fiction. Then Reservoir Dogs and Inglorious Bastards warming up to the Kill Bill movies, mix in From Dusk till Dawn followed by Death Proof and come back down on Jackie Brown. Afterwards be sure not to go out into the general public – side affects of this mini-marathon include non-sequitur monologues, malaise, and a-mouth-on-you-that-your-motha-wouldn’t-even-kiss levels of swearing.
(and if you have no shame and/or are alone)
Don’t judge me.
I’m going to go eat some soup and watch Evil Dead. Peace.