Fart Patio


Labor Day 2013 has been a massive success. How do two adult children with too much time and very little motivation spend this free, labor-free day?

1. Recover from hangover with giant Chipotle burrito. Being on the West coast has it’s perks and the braised tofu sofrita option is a huge one – nothing like mexican food to absorb an evening of frivolity and regret.

2. Do laundry. And by ‘do laundry’ I mean put a load in and forget to move it to the dryer until it’s to that questionable point where you hover over the washer deeply inhaling the wet clothes and deciding between another wash or 5 additional dryer sheets is the solution to masking the mildew scent

3. Re-watch 4 of the 6 episodes of BBC’s Sherlock and both decide that if Benedict Cumberbatch professed his love to either of us, the moral and logical thing to do is to break up. Then of course comes the conversation around how we would divide our shit (I hope that never happens – I have no use for so many towels and growlers).

4. Watch Star Trek to get hyped up for Star Trek Into Darkness (Amazon early purchase option bitches). Again, Benedict Cumberbatch – noms. Evan decided if Benedict chose him as his mate he would want to call their son Quinn, that way he could be called Q. Cumberbatch. Get it? Yeah – stupid.

5. FOOD!!! Buffalo Jackfruit and grilled corn with homemade vegan ranch dressing. Recipe coming soon.

What a glorious day. Yet there is always a cost to fun, and in this case 2 days of alcohol and long training runs and vegetables our house sounds like an orchestra of trumpets and smells like a garbage pail kid. In tribute to that, let’s call it a “sensory experience” at the Schmidtman residence we give you this gem by our friends at Portlandia.


A Spooktacular Vegan Mofo 2012




After the many sugar peaks and valley’s of eating my weight in Twizzlers (we didn’t have many trick or treaters), I have those same bags under my eyes.

It’s been an amazing Vegan Mofo 2012 – so much has happened! Let’s recap:

We also hosted the 1st annual vegan/vegetarian Meetup group Halloween potluck at our casa. As usual, we brought the deliciousness via Ulimate Vegan Chili (recipe coming) and VegNews Spooky Eyeball CupcakesNext up….VEGAN THANKGIVING!!! Thanks for an amazing Vegan Mofo!

I’ve never worked so hard to get bloodshot eyes. In college, it seemed so much easier!


And don’t forget that tomorrow, November 1st, is World Vegan Day! How will you celebrate?



Lazy Kermit & Hot Mess/Methadone Miss Piggy

(and the shamelessness continues)

Evan realized really quickly…fleece in a hot house means serious jungle crotch environments. Happy Halloween!


Nothing says sexy like a dude in fleece capris



Our Storm Kit



We’ve been watching our fair share of the super storm coverage out east, and can’t help but think about what we would do if we knew a massive storm was barreling our way.  We were used to the occasional snow day back in Iowa, where we typically spent the day at home cooking, baking, and watching movie trilogies.  We would watch the weather the night before, track the storm path, and secretly hope we would get dumped on.

Apparently Southern Oregon doesn’t have to deal with any kind of weather phenomenon like that.  It still got us thinking:  What if we knew we would be “stormed” in and needed to stock up on necessary provisions to wait out the weather.  Here is our top 5 list of shitty weather must-haves.

1)  Some sort of non-dairy milk.  Assuming we have power, baking WILL happen and all our favorite recipes call for some sort of rice, almond, or hemp milk.

2)  Daiya cheese.  We consider ourselves chili connoisseurs and tend to fire up the slow cooker when the weather turns sour.  Daiya tends to be the go-to toppin’ for chili.

3)  Beans, beans, all types of beans.  Whether it be hummus, soup, chili, salads, or burgers, having a selection of beans makes all of these possible.

4)  Bananas.  We are big smoothie fans, and also like freezing bananas and blending them in the Vitamix to create a sorbet/ice cream concoction.

5)  Beer or wine.  No good reason other than Southern Oregon produces some of the best craft beer and wine in the country.  Nothing says snow/storm-day like doing some cooking, drinking, and movie watching.

After going back and reading this list, it’s fair to say that we might actually miss our Midwest snow days.

After going back and reading that last sentence, it’s fair to say that’s effin’ crazy!

Both sides to Prop 37: Labeling GMO’s


While it’s not normally in the nature of EPL to provide commentary or even call attention to political issues in food, the conversation over California Proposition 37 over the Mandatory Labeling of Genetically Engineered Food has us passionately squirming in our skins – and with only 12 more days until the issue hits the ballet for the first time in California, the two sides are heating up. Our opinion shouldn’t be too difficult to discern as we believe everyone should be as informed as possible about the life or death choice about how they fuel their body, yet it’s also important that you understand the choice, the impacts, and both sides of the coin. I encourage you to do your own research on Prop 37 as it will likely be making it’s way to your state in the coming years (Iowa friends – you may be waiting a while…)

What is Proposition 37?

If prop 37 is approved by voters, it would mean the following:

  • Required labeling of all food sold to consumers that is made with plants or animals that have been genetically modified (Learn here more about what constitutes “Genetically Modified Organisms” or GMO)
  • If food includes GMO’s it cannot be labeled with the word “Natural”

The short form on the ballot will read: “Requires labeling of food sold to consumers made from plants or animals with genetic material changed in specified ways. Prohibits marketing such food, or other processed food, as ‘natural.’ Provides exemptions.”

What are the financial impacts?

  • Potential increase in costs between a few thousand to $1 million to the state for regulation of labeling

Those is favor…

(LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB1xHFwSYIg)

  • Consumers have a right to know what is in their food and to make a conscious choice
  • Over 40 countries are already labeling GMO products
  • More information can ensure consumer with allergies are properly educated

Those in opposition…

(LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0prG2KdP6uY)

  • It could increase costs to taxpayers without providing additional safety or health benefits
  • It may lean towards benefiting special interests
  • It authorizes shakedown lawsuits

Companies ‘for’ and ‘against’ in dollars (there is quite the pattern here…)

How can I learn more? Articles for both sides

Souper Sunday



Since this is the finally installment of our Vegan MOFO:  Souper Sunday edition, I figured instead of posting this evening’s chili recipe and pics, I would take the opportunity to post a few links to some of our favorite soups, stews, and curries.  Have no fear, we will definitely be posting tonight’s chili as it goes down as one of our favorites of all time.  In the meantime, check out these recipes and get them on your cookin’ calendar soon!

This roasted corn and sweet pepper soup was the starter for last year’s New Year’s Eve dinner, which included paella!

Around these parts, we love our southwestern corn chowder.

This tortilla soup has been made so many times when we haven’t been able to decided what to cook for dinner.

Our first stew of list includes TVP!  Awwww yeah!!

Simple.  Easy.  Flavas!!!!

No soup list is complete without French onion soup.  This soup with some bread and a BIG red wine.  Yes please.  As I type this, I can’t believe the last time I made this was last year.

We are HUGE curry fans and this recipe is one of our favorites.  In fact, we have made so many variations of this recipe, I had almost forgotten what the original called for.

We have enjoyed making Souper Sundays part of our Vegan MOFO routine, and plan on continuing this “tradition” long after October ends.  Stay tuned for the recap and pics of our epic chili recipe later this week!

Vegan MoFo 27: German Apple Cake

If you ask me, this is a single serving.

You know those times when you make a cake for someone’s birthday at work and then you forget to take the cake and have to decide once you arrive at work whether you will tell the person that you slaved away on a Tuesday night to make their favorite German apple cake especially for them because you know it’s their favorite or not tell them you made the cake at all so you can have the cake all to yourself when you get home? Yeah, me either. But I do know this…the answer is and always will be eat the cake.

And this cake is especially worth hoarding, mainly because of it’s versatility. I’m rather confident in the event of a nuclear disaster, this cake could be used in any of the following ways:

  1. Insulation for packing dynamite
  2. Replacement for clay in making seed bombs
  3. A weapon (I have a theory that, when thrown correctly, it will act much like a boomerang)
  4. Food for a village – one bite could sustain a person for a full day (those Germans know how to live ya’ll!)

The possibilities are endless. Where the German’s missed the mark with lederhosen,  David Hasselhoff, and that whole ‘European domination’ icky stereotype, they definitely earned my love with this cake…and Octoberfest.

Enjoy the cake all to yourself my friends – and also enjoy this video of what I believe to be the brother of Milton from Officespace housing some funnel cakes as inspiration.


Apfelkuchen. Translated as “edible apple pinwheel”.

Ingredients – Cake:

  • 3 apples, peeled and cut into slices
  • 1/2 cup non-hydrogenated, nondairy butter (i.e. Earth Balance)
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
  • 2 tbsp nondairy milk
  • 1 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
  • 2 1/2 tsp baking powder

Ingredients – Topping:

  • 1/4 cup firmly packed light or dark brown sugar
  • 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 tsp ground ginger

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 9-inch springform pan.

To make the cake, cook the apples in a little bit of water on the stove or in the microwave until they’re just a little soft but not mushy. (Put them in the microwave for no longer than 90 seconds). Set aside.

With an electric hand mixer or by hand using a wooden spoon, cream together the butter and sugar. Add the applesauce and milk. Finally, add the flour and baking powder, and stir until just combined.

Add the batter to the prepared pan, and arrange the apple slices in a circle on top of the cake.

To make the topping, mix together the brown sugar, cinnamon, and ginger and sprinkle over the apples, covering the top of the cake.

Bake for 30 – 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let cool for 15 minutes before unmolding from the cake pan.

Web Feast Friday


Welcome to the final Web Feast Friday of Vegan Mofo!  Getting involved with Vegan Mofo, and participating along side some of our vegan blogger role models/celebrities has been a tremendous honor and inspirational experience.  Instead of posting random bits from around the internets, I thought I would post some recent highlights from some of our most favorite vegan bloggers.  The following peeps provide us with many recipes, much inspiration, and a network of passionate and enthusiastic advocates for all things vegan.  If you don’t have these folks bookmarked or queued up on your RSS feed, start clickin’!!!!!

–  Post Punk Kitchen was one of the first vegan blogs we started following.  Their forum alone is a great resource for recipes and menu ideas.

–  Vegansaurus single handedly planned the eating/dining schedule for our recent San Fran vaca.  This is a great blog for news, reviews, and the occasional profanity-laced post.  A true inspiration!

–  Will Travel for Vegan Food started out as a Kickstarter campaign, and is now a favorite read of EPL.  Who wouldn’t want to just travel around the U.S., eat vegan food in new and interesting places, and write about it.  That what dreams are made of folks.

–  Hipsterfood combines vegan food with artsy pics and Wes Anderson-ish fonts to create one of our favorite food photography sites.  They also publish Chickpea Vegan Quarterly which is our favorite quarterly vegan publication.

–  Nobody does vegan dessert quite like Chocolate Covered Katie!

–  For those of you who dabble in the raw vegan lifestyle, I give you Choosing Raw.  Plenty of great salad, juice, and smoothie recipes to help you get your raw on!

–  Last but certainly not least, Happy Herbivore.  Lindsay and Happy Herbivore are an institution when it comes to cooking, eating, and living a vegan lifestyle.  Her blog, along with the HH cookbooks, will continue to be an inspirational guide for our Sunday brunches, holiday dinners, and blogging exploits.

In true Web Feast fashion, we leave you with this Black Lips/Rza from Wu Tang Clan gem:

What my phone pictures say about me


Awww yeah!!!

Working in the cellular industry, I can tell you that people consider their phones an extension of their family. I would guess that if you accidentally forgot both your phone and your elderly grandma at the cash register, you would secretly be more upset about the phone. And you better believe that I’ve gotten off the wiz palace with my pants halfway down and forgot to grab my phone so I could write emails and/or, depending on the ‘situation’, play words with friends.

On those days I really need giggles, I will go back through and relive the history of my life through my phone’s gallery. I figured I could either revamp the ‘About Us’ section of the blog, or you can psychoanalyze these selected pictures that tell you all about me without ever saying a word. Enjoy.


These babies came today – 150 mini chocolates for $30 bucks. Now we can finally play ‘how many mini chocolates can you fit in your mouth?’ (I like to play by myself after Evan goes to bed)


vegan mega-meal at Morning Glory in Ashland, OR


I committed to giving up french fries during the month of October. Needless to say, this evoked feelings. (PS – the feelings made worse by a dude in a kermit hat photo-bombing my sorrow)



Nothing says “I’m disappointed” than having to tail this face for 30 miles. *sigh*


My hipster grandpa on a bike. Gangsta.


A ‘moo’ licence plate with a Beef bumper sticker. I wonder if the floor mats are made with the fur of a thousand chipmunks?



I need more information on the whys please. Is this a gremlins situation?


I’m going to re-stage this book and instead call it “Abnormally long chest” or “Beastmaster II: The Beastmaster has PRIDE ya’ll!”



Is it possible for a box to have halitosis?


Drawing the audience’s attention.


I did leave out the pictures from when Evan and I both had cold sores at the same time, the many miming of pooping on things pics, and of course anything where I had a double chin (it’s my blog – that is a GD right!) Oh, and watch Beastmaster like now – you can thank me later.





Pack yo’ lunch, son!


Last week, we outlined the Top 10 Reasons Living in Oregon is Awesome.  Unfortunately, this also means that big-time work meetings involve some serious travel back to the midwest.  This type of travel also presents a crapshoot when it comes to finding vegan food at airports, hotels, or work-sponsored networking buffets.  I know that work lunches can be great, so I was interested to test this theory in a different time zone.

This past week, I flew to Chicago for a three-day work meeting that I genuinely look forward to every year.  What I don’t look forward to is the lack of food options, and the fact that there isn’t any kind of grocery store or market within eight miles of our hotel.  I have learned to bring along standard vegan travel fare like Lara Bars, Primal Strips, and Nature’s Path oatmeal.  I am also always on the lookout for fruit from any kind of breakfast bar, and have become quite skilled in foraging for peanut butter.  I had packed enough food to get by for a couple days, but found myself rationing my supplies by the end of day two.  I decided that in order to survive the longest day of meetings, and still have food for the flight home, I needed to explore the vast expanses of the hotel and see what I could throw together.  Here is a picture of what I came up with:

What you see here is an iceberg salad, two mixed fruit cups, a Cliff Bar, some peanut butter packets, and water.

Day three of meetings went off without a hitch, and I had just enough food left to take care of breakfast and a morning and afternoon snack.  Lunch looked to be an issue as I educated two hotel food service employees that havarti is not vegan.  The day ended with a flight out of O’Hare airport, but not before I stumbled upon a little gem in any vegan’s desert:  the food court.  I quickly typed ” O’Hare vegan” into google on my phone, and found some great info that guided me to a salad bar/vegan soft serve restaurant B Smooth tucked in between a burrito joint and a Golden Wok.  I ended up creating my own salad with all kinds of fresh produce, and had a vanilla-banana milkshake with vegan soft serve.

I ordered a large shake, and they had to go next door to the burrito place and get a cup. I mean seriously, how often do you really get vegan soft serve!

The two most important pieces of information I picked up over the weekend are as follows:

1)  Work meetings that involve travel always necessitate bringing along a grocery stash.

2)  O’Hare Airport is extremely vegan friendly.  Seriously peeps, vegan soft serve in the midwest! And since it is O’Hare you know you will have time to kill between your delayed flights anyway, so eat up!

Anyone have any other vegan friendly experiences in airports?