Our highlighted white people problem of the day is that Evan and I like hanging out with each other so much that we turn down hanging out with any other friends. We will pretty much stay exclusively in cordial acquaintance status if they violate too many things on our oh-no-no list. Let’s take a peak at a few items on our oh-no-no list shall we?
- Not finding public flatulence hilarious
- Not having an opinion on the Biggie/Tupac Feud
- Having any opinions on fantasy football
- Serious turtlenecks (but dickies are somehow on the ‘we are definitely hanging out you ‘ list)
- Not laughing at this video: Billy on the Street
- Or this one:
- Agreeing we believe everything you do just because we look/sound like you (i.e. white = republican, vegan = pissed off activist, girl = like the sex in the city movies)
- Lacking a healthy respect for 90’s hip hop (it helps if you know the ending of this sentence: In West Philadelphia born and raised…)
I do want to say that there are a few things that supersede all the oh-no-no’s and automatically qualify you as cool:
- Playing air guitar at anytime and/or instinctive head-banging during that one part in Bohemian Rhapsody
- Getting stoked to cook us vegan food
- Loving us enough to tell us what you think and not give a damn what others think of you
- Properly rocking an ill-fitting dickie (see oh no-no list)
- Flying 1800 miles just to hang out with us (on purpose)
Let’s give a slow-ascending clap for my friend Evonne who is braving the elements of air travel and will arrive in just a few short hours at the Medford Airport for a 2-week visit. Not only does Evonne meet all the criteria of do’s and don’ts, she is actually embarrassingly more cool than us and we’re unclear on why she wants to hang out with two sloppy, smelly ‘adults’ in their natural environment. Her loss in this case.
Evonne is my oldest friend – our mom’s met at the YMCA while still pregnant with us and are still amazing as AARP badass mofo’s who, at over 60 y/o, can ride their bikes across Switzerland, keep up with the kids on RAGBRAI (a 450+ mile, 7 day bike ride across Iowa), and still muster the energy to cut out and mail us clippings from the local newspaper on the different ways we could potentially die as single young women and/or recipes for bean dishes.
Evonne has done more in the past 5 years then I will do in a lifetime, including teaching English in Japan, being a snowboard instructor in Colorado, riding her bike across the US, running multiple marathons, and is now teaching speed walking, badminton, ultimate frisbee, and spinning classes while she finishes her degree at the University of Iowa. She is sarcastic and loves to play outside and loves vegan food and has been known to hit the town with our friend Rachel wearing straight-up footy pajamas just for laughs. If you don’t believe me on her awesomeness, check out these moves (she’s single hot, slightly-crazy dudes in cyberspace!):
Man, it’s gonna be a great few weeks. Yes, we will be posting food in the coming days and weeks as we have culinary adventures with friends.